Newcastle/Gateshead has an excellent new live music venue. The Sage is a stunning £70 million centre, designed by Sir Norman Foster and photographed here by my cousin Graeme.

Bluecoats - just one of the Hertford institutions connected by a warren of medieval tunnels, thanks to papal persecution in the Middle Ages

According to today's Times, The Pope is giving "serious consideration" to a letter he's received from a PO Box address in Hertford.

The letter comes from an international secret society called The Knights Templar (aka the "Keepers of the Holy Grail") who meet in a warren of ancient tunnels under the town.

The Knights have requested a papal apology for the persecution of their ancestors by the Catholic Church in the Middle Ages. This comes after the Pope apologised for The Crusades and The Inquisition.

The secret society's connection with Hertford originates in the 14th century, when several of the Knights were imprisoned in Hertford and the surrounding area. They've recently received a lot of attention thanks to the best-selling da Vinci Code.

The tunnels under Hertford are fiercely protected. Amateur archaeologists Subterranea Britannica recently expressed an interest in exploring them but received anonymous threats warning them not to.

There are more entries on the Hertford Templars in Round Town...

Congratulations to local Herts firefighter Steve Manual who resuscitated no less than eight guinea pigs caught in a blaze in Puckeridge. Sooty, Sweep, Fred, Chewy, Chauncy, Rusty, Spike and Junior all survived after Steve performed delicate CPR on them.

Statue outside one of Hertford's many antique shops

As Halloween approaches, here's my personal guide to haunted Hertford. Or "haunted" Hertford if you wish. I've avoided writing "allegedly haunted" and so on, as it's tedious. I've not seen any of the ghosts mentioned. And I've always found the establishments in this guide to be perfectly pleasant places. Although I do sometimes feel a bit spooked when I walk past Wiggintons at night and look up towards the attic. I have had an odd feeling of being watched a couple of times. For more ghostly accounts, I'd recommend the book Haunted Hertfordshire. For best results, read this guide by candlight and hire a small owl or bat to sit on your shoulder...

Fore Street

A waiter at Cafe Uno once told me that no-one who works there likes going to the loos at night. "It's because the cubicles are sometimes locked...from the inside...when there's no-one else in the building. And it feels very very weird down there." When the building was a shop, it's reported that no-one ever used the loos. They were so spooked by the atmosphere, they preferred to leave the building to pay a visit. And, during the building's conversion into a cafe, three builders witnessed a pile of planks flung across the room, as if by unseen hands. Wires were ripped out overnight. And bricks placed in preparation for cement were all moved round 90 degrees. Since then, cleaners have experienced loud bangs and the mysterious removal of the iron chain which is placed across the stairs to keep the public out. And, one night at Christmas, staff clearing up the cafe were terrified as dark shadows started moving around the walls. Friends of mine have also reported feeling ill at ease in the loos.

Staff at Sheffields Chemist have reported banging on the floorboards, floating medicine bottles and a bottle of strychinine appearing from nowhere and flying through the wall. One day, a 200-year-old prescription book mysteriously disappeared and was then discovered in a totally unlikely location, open at a particular page. Then, the next day, it vanished again. The staff said "Can we have our prescription book back please?" whereupon it suddenly re-appeared through the wall and thudded on the floor, still open at the same page. When the owners tried to call psychic investigators, the phone went dead. Eventually, they managed to communicate with the ghost by tapping and discovered it had been killed by its brother. Having shared its story, the ghost quietened down.

Threshers cellar is haunted. Staff sometimes report turning up in the morning to find a tap has been turned fully on overnight, flooding the floor.

Albany Radio was once a private house called Cupboard Hall and was haunted by a lady in a Georgian costume.

Staff in Gays Newsagents often report the sound of someone playing a violin, but can never locate the source.

Marshalls Furnishings. After a huge fire in 1996, a policewoman had to guard the smouldering, blackened ruins of the building overnight. Looking up, she saw a man peering through one of the shattered upper windows. He was wearing "Cromwellian clothes." Terrified, she screamed for help. But, when back-up arrived, there was no-one there. Cromwellian figures have also been sighted at night in the Salisbury Arms.

Staff working alone at night in the old Hertfordshire Mercury building, on the corner of Parliament Square, reported lights going on and off, sudden blackouts, doors slamming and door handles moving. One reporter was so spooked by this that he called the police. A policeman turned up with an alsation which started scratching at a cellar door. A bunch of keys was swinging in the door. But, when they opened the door, the cellar was empty.

Red House, part of Bluecoats School, is haunted by a lady in a grey matron's outfit, carrying a tray up the stairs.

Around Town

The Hertford Club. One day, the barman turned up at 6pm and heard the sound of a snooker game coming through the wall: laughter and lots of male voices. No game had been scheduled and he was expecting the building to be empty, so he went to investigate and discovered an empty room, with snooker balls scattered on the table and cues quivering in the racks, as if a game had been ditched in a great hurry.

Staff have reported a ghostly presence in the back bedroom above Wiggintons Toy Shop. The owner's daughter used to sleep there and reported visits from a lady and old man with white hair and a beard. Psychic investigators believe the ghosts are benevolent and believe a young lady once nursed her dying father in the room.

However, family members refuse to go into the attic storeroom. Dogs growl and whine outside the room. And one psychic investigator concluded there was an "evil and nasty" presence.

A young man who appears thin, cold and hungry and is dressed in a wide-brimmed hat is often sighted on Port Hill near the Quaker Burial Ground.

A child in a modern conversion in Cowbridge reported the appearance of ghostly horses in his room. His parents investigated and discovered their flat was on the site of an old knacker's yard.

Do contact me if you have any good real-life ghost stories, especially ones relating to Hertford. Thank you.

By the way, who's that person standing behind you?

This is Black Shuck - the East Anglian hellhound which, according to legend, left scratch marks on Blytheborough Church door (see Dunwich entry). If you want to know more about him and his connections with the Hound of the Baskervilles, go to Black Shuck and Black Shuck Sherlock. The Darkness track Black Shuck, which opens Permission to Land refers specifically to Blytheborough Church and has the following lyrics, which I find profound and moving, in an understated East Anglian sort of way...

In a town in the east
The parishioners were visited upon
By a curious beast
And his eyes numbered but one and shone like the sun
And a glance beckoned the immediate loss
Of a cherished one
It was the coming of the

(Black Shuck) Black Shuck
(Black Shuck) Black Shuck
(Black Shuck) That dog don't give a f**k
Black Shuck
(Black Shuck) Black Shuck
(Black Shuck) Black Shuck
(Black Shuck) That dog don't give a f**k

Flames licked round the sacred spire
And the congregation's last line of defence
Was engulfed in fire
As the flaming priest stepped into the firing line
On the business end of despair
God, he took his own life
During the coming of the

(Black Shuck) Black Shuck
(Black Shuck) Black Shuck
(Black Shuck) That dog don't give a f**k
Black Shuck
(Black Shuck) Black Shuck
(Black Shuck) Black Shuck
(Black Shuck) That dog don't give a f**k

A nimbus of blue light surrounds a crimson paw
As he takes another fatal swipe
At the Blytheburgh Church Door

(Black Shuck) Black Shuck
(Black Shuck) Black Shuck
(Black Shuck) That dog don't give a f**k
Black Shuck
(Black Shuck) Black Shuck
(Black Shuck) Black Shuck
(Black Shuck) That dog don't give a f**k
(Black Shuck) Black Shuck
(Black Shuck) Black Shuck
(Black Shuck) That dog don't give a f**k
Black Shuck
(Black Shuck) Black Shuck
(Black Shuck) Black Shuck
(Black Shuck) That dog don't give a f**k

Woof!

I'm ashamed to admit that Hertfordshire is responsible for one of the worst opening lines in literature:

It was a dark and stormy night

Or, to give the sentence in its full glory...

It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents - except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.

This line (immortalised by Snoopy) opened an 1830 novel by Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, who lived in Knebworth Hall.

He did show literary promise as a young man, winning the chancellor's medal for verse at Cambridge and publishing a volume called Weeds and Wild Flowers.

But then his life took a dark and stormy turn. He fell out with his mother, who withdrew his allowance. Then he and his wife separated acrimoniously. She savaged him in Cizevely or the Man of Honour and heckled him viciously at public meetings when he was standing as a parliamentary candidate. She was declared insane at this point, but continued to attack him until his dying day.

He was a prolific writer and his novel Pelham, a study of dandyism, attracted considerable attention (and gossip about the identities of the characters).

But he's sadly remembered nowadays for his notorious opening line, which probably wasn't quite so cliched when he wrote it.

Nineteenth century literature is full of such purple passages. I rather like this one, written by Lyman Littlefield in 1841:

Twas morning - the sun rose under the brightest auspices, and the thin, vaporous clouds that flitted in the heavens, continued gradually to flee away before the gentle morning breeze, that seemed wont to greet their golden visages with the soft rustle of its dewy wings - until not a hand's breadth of them were seen remaining to mar the spotless beauty of the ethereal blue.

The San Jose State University in California runs an annual Bulwer-Lytton Writing Competition for appalling opening lines and descriptions. Here are some of the 2004 entries:

The legend about Padre Castillo's gold being buried deep in the Blackwolf Hills had lain untold for centuries and will continue to do so for this story is not about hidden treasure, nor is it set in any mountainous terrain whatsoever.
Siew-Fong Yiap
Kowloon, Hong Kong

It was a dark and stormy night - actually not all that dark, but more dusky or maybe cloudy, and to say "stormy" may be overstating things a bit, although the sidewalks were still wettish and smelled of ozone, and, truth be told, characterizing the time as night is a stretch as it was more in the late, late afternoon because I think Oprah was still on.
Gregory Snider, MD
Lexington, KY

Detective Micky Blarke arrived on the scene at 2:14 am, and gave his cigarette such a severe pull that rookie Paul Simmons swore the insides of the detective's cheeks touched, but the judge indicated that that amount of detail was not necessary in his testimony, and instructed the jury to disregard that statement.
Joe Polvino
Webster, NY

Gringran Roojner had only gone to see the Great Warlock of Loowith to get his horoscope and he couldn't believe he'd been sent on a quest for the legendary Scromer of Nothleen to ask him for the answer to the Riddle of Shimmererer so that he could give it to the Guardians of Vooroniank, thereby gaining access to the Cave of Zothlianath where he would find the seldom seen Cowering of Groojanc, whose spittle was an absolute necessity in the making of the Warlock's famous fruit cake.
Sandra Millar
Gowkthrapple, Wishaw

Clementine sat in the shade of a beech tree, of the family Fagaceae, the leaves of which were more or less ovate, being perhaps not quite as pointed as those of the North American, grandifolia species of the Fagus genus that are the color of a swimming pool that had been left too long without chlorine, but neither were they like those of Fagus sylvatica var. purpurea that are the color of dried burgundy stains on cream linen. (Winner - Fiction for the Erudite)
Geoff Beech
Cochabamba
Bolivia

For more, go to the Bulwer-Lytton Writing Competition Website

I went to Dunwich this weekend with Sarah, Frank and Henrietta. Dunwich is a tiny village on the coast of Suffolk, with cliffs and a long shingle beach. But it used to be a thriving town...until the sea moved in. Now, the old town of Dunwich is buried under the waves. And, according to local legend, you can still hear the ghostly bells of its churches tolling under the water. The Suffolk coast is beautiful but it is quite spooky. HP Lovecraft set The Dunwich Horror here and MR James set several of his ghost stories in the area. After excellent fish and chips at the cafe on the beach, we headed for the bleak windswept Blytheborough Church - famous for its north door, which is covered with scratches and scorch marks. These appeared mysteriously when two parishioners were struck and killed by lightning. And it was thought they were the work of the devil who haunted the local marshland in the form of a hound called Black Shuck. (If you're a Darkness fan, you'll know Black Shuck is a title of one of their tracks. They come from nearby Hunstanton). Anyway...we didn't see any dogs and didn't find the church particularly spectral, but it did have some fantastic 15th century angels in the vaulting.

Thank you to The Insider for contacting Peacockshock with some fascinating links to articles about Hertford's alleged connections with secret societies and to recent stories which may involve the Holy Grail. Here they are:
Grail Article 1
Grail Article 2
Grail Article 3
Grail Article 4

Photo I took of Bengeo Church (once thought to have connections with The Knights Templar and The Holy Grail)

A mysterious labyrinth has been discovered beneath Hertford. And the weird medieval tunnels are still being used...

According to today's Mercury newspaper, there's a complex warren connecting Hertford Castle, Bluecoats School and many of the shops, restaurants and banks around Fore Street.

The tunnels link cellars, crypts and even bank vaults. And they probably date from the 12th and 13th centuries, when they were apparently constructed by a secret society of monks. The so-called Knights Templar were thought to be the guardians of the Holy Grail. And, after being expelled from France, several Templars settled in Hertford, where they were gradually driven underground. Hence the tunnels.

The Knights Templar organisation still exists. And it was a Templar from Hertford who spoke out to the paper. His revelations come after Hertford Tourist Office received a cryptic message from a group calling itself The Order a few weeks ago, hinting that the story would emerge soon.

Hertford is well-known as a base for Templars. It's also been suggested that several members of The Illuminati live in the town too (though the existence of this international secret society is questioned by many).

According to the paper, two secret societies still meet in the tunnels.

For more on The Illuminati, go to www.illuminati.org

Moet and Florence have occasionally been known to make vague attempts at burrowing in the garden, but deny all knowledge of secret societies or subterranean tunnels. Speaking earlier today from his hutch, Mo said "No comment. Give me a carrot." Meanwhile, Florence ran into the bedroom to eat a bean and refused to pose for the press.

A rainbow over the rooftops of Hertford.

The Holy Grail may be in Hertford...according to the local Mercury newspaper. And readers of the best-selling Da Vinci Code (which centres on Grail symbolism) are now "set to flock" here in search of it. Why? Well, this part of Hertfordshire was once a haunt of the mysterious Knights Templar who guarded the Grail's secrets. In 1309, King Edward III imprisoned four of the knights in Hertford Castle and local legend claims they hid their treasure around these parts. Now, thanks to the Da Vinci book, the tourist office is expecting a flood of Grail researchers around Hertford Castle, Bengeo Temple Farm and nearby Royston Cave. Of course, the Grail may not be an object at all, but that's another story. I'm reading The Da Vinci Code at the moment and it's excellent. Meanwhile, Bollinger the cat (click on pic) denies all knowledge of the Grail.

I took this photo recently in the graveyard of Kilmartin Church in the Scottish Highlands, where several of the Knights Templar are said to be buried.

This evening, I was innocently walking down the river on the way home from the gym, admiring some sunflowers blurred by the smoke of a garden fire, when...a live lobster loomed in the middle of the towpath, giving me an evil and beady look and brandishing its claws in a menacing fashion. For a moment, after years of waiting, I thought I'd finally flipped. I was expecting Lewis Carroll to appear. Then, out of the dusk came the Sid James chortling of a nearby angler. "Don't panic," he guffawed. "It's a crayfish. There are loads of them in the river. They're not very friendly and they tend to eat the other fish if they don't like them, but it probably won't hurt you." He picked it up gently with a pincer thing, put it in the river and it swam off. "They're strange things," he added. "They come out of the river, go for a walk, then jump back in." Yet another odd Hertford moment. Breaking Crayfish Story

Hertford may look like a quiet backwater. But it was once essentially the capital of England. Hertford is also responsible for the date of Easter. It was crucial to the education of two of our greatest monarchs. It's infamous in the history of witchcraft. And who exactly was the mysterious Elbert Wurling? Read on to discover more. Click on thumbnails for bigger pix...

The Danes invaded Hertford several times, arriving by river from London. This was pretty easy as a ridiculous number of rivers flow through the town: notably the Beane, the Rib, the Lee (or Lea) and the Mimram. No-one knows where the Mimram got its name from. According to The English Place Name Society, it's also been known over the years as the Memeram (925) Meran (1000) Maeran (1100) Maran (1577) and Mimeram (1728). And, as if that's not complicated enough, a 1766 map calls it the Mimerum.

In the year 678, Hertford was the venue for the first General Synod of England, organised by Archbishop Theodore of Canterbury. The Synod united the churches of the six English kingdoms for the first time and established links with Rome that survived until the time of Henry VIII. It was attended by bishops Bisi, Putta, Eleutherius, Winfred and Wilfred (who came all the way from Northumbria). They declared divorce illegal and devised a preposterous method for determining the date of Easter, which we still use (it's the first Sunday after the first Full Moon after March 21st). Yes...Hertford is responsible for Easter changing its date every year.

Hertford Castle was a royal palace for 300 years.

Its flint walls remain, but the old castle-like building that survives in the grounds is in fact the castle's gatehouse, built in 1463.

In 1216, it was besieged by the Dauphin of France.

In 1359, The Black Prince kept King John of France there as a prisoner.

In 1360, John of Gaunt - the most powerful prince in England - moved in.

Henry VIII refurbished the castle and stayed there with his first wife Katharine of Aragon. (I seem to follow her around. I once lived in a house in the grounds of the Cathedral where Katharine is buried).

Queen Elizabeth I lived there as a child, in the care of a governess. (By coincidence, centuries later, Queen Victoria's tutor lived in Hertford too).

Parliament met in Hertford Castle during the Plague (hence Parliament Square).

Charles I didn't think much of the hunting at Hertford so gave the castle to the Earl of Salisbury.

For 400 years, Hertford was home to a famous school called Christ's Hospital or Bluecoats. It's now an independent boarding school and it's moved to Sussex. But its buildings and distinctive statues of blue-uniformed pupils remain. Established in 1552 to educate poor children, it was originally based in London, but moved to Hertford during the Plague. Its alumni include the Elizabethan playwright Thomas Middleton, writers Charles Lamb and Samuel Taylor Coleridge (who became lifelong friends in Hertford) and August Pugin who designed the Houses of Parliament. Bluecoats is now converted into apartments. And Tesco occupies the school's former grounds. I suspect the large palm tree in the Tesco car park was once part of the school's botanical garden.

The palm tree in Hertford Tescos car park.

Hertford boasts the world's oldest Quaker Meeting House. Founded in 1669, it's been in use ever since.

The last witch to be condemned to death in England was from Walkern village near Hertford. Known locally as a "wise woman", Jane Wenham complained in 1712 that her neighbour was accusing her of witchcraft. So the local vicar mediated and secured a massive 5p compensation, which she wasn't happy with. According to local legend, she then cursed the poor vicar's household and his servant became ill, claiming to be haunted by mysterious wailing cats. Then, as if that wasn't enough, the servant allegedly came face to face with a mystic mog which had the face of Ms Wenham. It had a knife in its paw, handed it to the servant and said "kill yourself." So Jane Wenham was put on trial in Hertford. The judge thought the accusations were ridiculous, but the jury found her guilty and she was sentenced to death. However she was granted a Royal Pardon and lived happily ever after, in the care of the Earl of Panshangar who took pity on her. The case stirred up controversy throughout England (click on thumbnails). Twenty years later, the old witchcraft laws were repealed.

Rare Witchcraft Manuscripts

There's a small mound in Hertford castle gardens with an underground door. This is an 18th century ice-house, where ice from frozen rivers was stored to form a predecessor of the fridge.

Hertford's Prince Albert Cottages, near Dimsdale Street, are exact replicas of some 'ideal home' cottages built for the 1851 Great Exhibition.

Unveiled in 1921, Hertford war memorial takes the form of a hart (deer) on a plinth. It was designed by Sir Aston Webb - the architect responsible for Admiralty Arch, plus parts of the V&A and Buckingham Palace. It's made from the same Portland Stone as the Cenotaph in London. And it originally stood on (reputedly) the first traffic roundabout in Britain.

One of Hertford's nightclubs has a very ancient-sounding name. But Elbert Wurlings is in fact named after a family friend of the owner - Albert Wurly. Albert, from Hoxton London, was a pal of the owner's grandfather.

Here are some pix of my home town, Hertford. This medieval arch is pretty near where I live and it's a useful landmark when I'm giving directions to the house.

This is one of Hertford's many antique shops, on my morning route to the station

Hertford's an excellent place to hang out if you're into celebrity spotting. I totally disapprove of celebrity culture and suggest you avoid the following list of local celebs at all costs, as it may corrupt you...

Posh and Becks
The Beckhams own a £3 million mansion house near Hertford, in Sawbridgeworth. "Beckingham Palace" used to be an orphenage and it's been tastefully redesigned. Brooklyn's bedroom has a domed ceiling with a £20,000 fibre-optic system that recreates the night sky. There's also a room dedicated to Audrey Hepburn memorabilia, a leopard-print bedroom, and a tartan bathroom with gold toilet seats. The garden boasts a bronze sculpture of the family and fake medieval ruins. And some of the staff were allegedly poached from the real royals. Posh and Becks are often sighted shopping in Hertford. David was recently spotted in Marks and Spencers in Brookfields.

Sawbridgeworth

Beckham News

Bored With The Beckhams?

Rupert Grint
Ginger-haired Rupert, 15, plays Harry's best pal Ron Weasley in the Harry Potter films. He's just bought a £600,000 house on a private island on the River Lea. He attends the Richard Hale boys school in Hertford. Rupert loves rap music and performed a Ron Weasley rap at his audition. He also rides a unicycle and likes sports, but hates spiders.

Rupert's House

Sol Campbell
Sol lives in north London but is frequently spotted around town.

Frederick Forsyth
The bestselling author lives in a 26-room Queen Anne manor house set in 175 acres at East End Green just outside Hertford. Forsyth wrote "The Day of the Jackal", "The Odessa File", "Dogs of War" and "The Fourth Protocol".

Barry Norman
The film critic and presenter lives in nearby Datchworth.

Frank Warren
The legendary boxing promoter lives in nearby Watton-at-Stone in a mansion house next to the church.

Marty and Kim Wilde
The fifties singing star ("Oh Boy") and his daughter Kim ("Kids in America") live in the nearby village of Tewin. Kim is now a celebrity gardener.

Gillian Taylforth
The ex-EastEnders star lives in nearby Broxbourne.

Gary Mabbutt
Star footballer, now retired.

Robert Duncan
The TV actor who played jargon-obsessed newsroom executive Gus Hedges in cult Channel 4 sitcom "Drop the Dead Donkey".

Chas n Dave
Cockney duo Chas n Dave live near Hertford. Rabbit rabbit rabbit...

The Gaff
Hertford band The Gaff have supported boyband Blue in front of 20,000 fans, played gigs as far afield as Geneva and recorded a film soundtrack. They're now recording an album.

The Gaff's Site

Ian Peacock
Radio 4 presenter and writer Ian Peacock lives in Hertford. Oops. I've just realised. That's me.

My Professional Media Site

Me at the BBC (put ian peacock in 'search' for over 180 results)

Me at BBC Training

Why do they all live in Hertford?
Well, according to The Telegraph, "Herts is where the home is...
They're rich, they're famous and they all live in a little corner of Hertfordshire..."

Telegraph Feature on Celebs in East Herts